I haven’t posted anything in a while, but I’m still on track as of this morning. I’ve been keeping busy and I’m finding it a lot easier to focus on whatever is in front of me. I had a little victory this morning that put me in a pretty good mood. It wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but I got a bill for my health insurance in the mail and 1) actually opened it instead of throwing it out, 2) realized that I could pay it on time without having to hit anyone up for a loan, 3) called the company to settle up and was told that I had already prepaid for the month via autopay. This would be a non-event for most of the functioning adults in my life, but for me, it felt like actual proof of the progress that I’ve made over the last two months. Three months ago, I didn’t even have insurance. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t afford it (nevermind the fact that I had no problem betting twice the amount of my monthly bill on a single hand of blackjack, but there you go). Checking on bills that I couldn’t pay always stressed me out, so they usually just went into the trash unopened (out of sight, out of mind). I really didn’t want to know what I owed to who or what the consequences would be if I didn’t catch up. I was never willing to set anything up for autopay because I wanted to hoard whatever money I had for my next trip to the casino. I never would have admitted that before, but it’s absolutely true. It felt good to be in control and ahead of the game for once. I love this thread because I know that some of you will get where I’m coming from. Little victory! Whoohoo! My family and friends have been really supportive, but they would look at me like I was nuts if I told them that I was feeling really good about paying for health insurance. Like I said, it’s a little victory, but I’ll definitely take it.
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